"something to suck on for landing, Sir...?
October 25th 2008 07:25
Now, for those of you who like to keep abreast of things pertaining to The Land of Hope and Glory and that general neck of the woods... a sense of crisis is upon it’s population - an issue of national importance must be addressed forthwith before it finds itself receding into the abyss! Yes, the Eurovision Song Contest is looming on the horizon and with Britain’s long history of doing incredibly badly with the judging public; from The 2003 Jemini impersonation of Florence Foster Jenkins which proudly boasted a “Null Points”, to last year’s toe curling “Flying the Flag For You” from Scooch (which managed to scrape together a handful of votes from some sloshed ex pats in Malta) the people of Britannia must hold their heads in shame when it comes to bringing the art of song to the European Community. Naturally, as one might expect in this time of crisis, the BBC has decided it must to do whatever it takes and has instructed Andrew Lloyd Weber to compose the song that is destined to turn the tide of sinking hopes and restore Britain’s pride in it’s ability to give a good ol’ knees up! One might be forgiven for asking how astute this choice is, after all, Tim Rice and he in 1967 put together a memorable little ditty that went straight down the voter’s toilet pan entitled "Bim! Bam! Bom!"
Well, as we all know, (except for the eastern Europeans) the whole point of the Eurovision Song Contest is that it really ought to be the very campest of trash, and, as we all know, The Brits are so good at supplying that sort of thing. If you happen to be in any UK town during the live broadcast you’ll hear the unified shrieks erupting forth in chorus from every single gay bar in the land as pints are sloshed excitedly around the wide screen TV as if it were the World Cup Final. Last year’s entry from Scooch: “Flying The Flag For You” with it’s air host/ess theme and it’s lyric “something to suck on for landing, Sir…?” had Graham Norton (the current Mr. Humphries of the UK chat show scene) describing it as “even gayer than me!!” And of course didn’t we all simply hang off each word British commentator, Terry Wogan had to say with his deliciously acidic observations of the talent at hand. Even after they asked him to tone it down, he still managed to share a little thought with his viewers regarding one of the contestants: “ the last time I saw a pair of legs like that, they were standing in a nest” Why on earth did he have to withdraw and turn the event into something so much less…!?
Come on chaps – let’s get into the spirit of the occasion! It’s not about winning - in fact it’s not even about giving a jot if any points are scored at all! It’s all about how low one can go when it comes to kitsch camp trash…and long may Britannia fly that flag!
hmmm - maybe I met my Waterloo
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